how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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