did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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