I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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