well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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