Are we in a gay sports bar?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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