you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i came on her dog
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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