he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
