I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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