then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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