Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
