Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
