mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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