i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
