K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
