I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
