I want to make a zoo with you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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