Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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