you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
