If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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