Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
