Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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