Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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