I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
