allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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