am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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