For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
