We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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