You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
