Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
