At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
