i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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