No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
