Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
