My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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