conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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