Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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