why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
