what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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