Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
