I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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