in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
