I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
