she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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