I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
