im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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