I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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