How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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