i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
