are you still at the devil's house?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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