she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
