those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
His hands were made for my vagina.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
