her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
