Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
