you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
