he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
