it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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