last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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