I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
