In the future we'll all be gay
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
