I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i think i have two assholes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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