Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
