Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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