it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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