I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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