i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
