so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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