I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I deserve this hangover.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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