ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
3pm strippers are depressing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
