So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
