I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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