Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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