U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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