I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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